I'm not even sure what I should blog about but I am feeling the need. I don't have any recent pics to post because I have neglected to upload them to the computer. I am such a procrastinator!!
So, this is what you are all going to get, a pic of my brother-in-law pinching Clay's bum while he is bending over in the living room taunting everyone. It isn't pretty, but I prefer to have pictures on my posts. Lucky you!
Now that I have a pic on my blog I can write!
My life has become consumed by mediocrity. I wake up at the crack of dawn every morning and change a VERY wet diaper, one that has usually leaked allover my bed already. Yup, Jack is still waking up in my bed, although he is going to bed in his crib in the other room (which I might add is a MAJOR accomplishment). He is still waking up so frequently during the night to eat that he is over loading his diapers and leaking on my bed (this is only aggravating the already substantial amounts of laundry I've been doing lately).
After we've both 'freshened up' I wake up the other hoodlums and start getting everyone fed and dressed for school. Some mornings I'd rather be in Tahiti, but we manage alright. Clay leaves for school by 8:15am and on Mon, Wed and Fri Quin has to be to school by 9. I then spend the rest of my morning, and most of the early afternoon, washing dishes, baking cookies, folding laundry, changing diapers, feeding Jack, making meals, planning church activities, creating useless (but thoroughly enjoyable) crafts, playing make believe, cleaning toilets, etc..... I could go on forever!
When Clay gets home from school at around 3:45 we do homework, eat snacks, go to Karate, make dinner, pick kids up from Karate, eat dinner, brush teeth, read books and put kids to bed by 8pm. I then spend the next three or four hours catching up on email, blogs, check my calendar and tidy up the house. I do all of this just so in the morning I can pry open my eyelids, hop out of bed and do it all over again.
Can you say CRAZY!! I'm convinced I must be crazy. So my question to you all is this: How does someone go about relinquishing themselves from all of this mediocrity and enveloping themselves into a deeper and fuller existence? Anyone?
I love my husband and I love my children. I love my role as mother, wife and homemaker and I feel I have been very blessed. Overall I have a very good life. So, is it asking too much to want to go to bed at night feeling like I've accomplished something? I think that is what I'm looking for. A sense of fulfillment. I don't want to wait until my children are grown and living lives of their own to look back and say, "Wow! I've accomplished something!" I want to be able to say that each night as I go to sleep.
Perhaps I am thinking on too great a scale. Perhaps just getting through the day without pulling large chunks of hair out could be considered a major accomplishment? I suppose it all comes down to perspective. What do I believe are my greatest accomplishments? What do I want them to be? What gives me the greatest satisfaction in life?
I believe my children are my greatest accomplishments. Each of my children is a small part of me. They each carry certain traits and behaviors that mimic my own. They each depend on me and look to me for guidance, instruction, acceptance, comfort and love.
Before I go to bed each night I am going to ask myself what my greatest accomplishment was that day. It might not be much at first, but I'm convinced I'll go to bed with a smile on face...even if it's only because I still have a few hairs left on my head!
3 comments:
I am positive that every mother must go through this stage! I've never been a mother, but your life is successful by what you are doing...you're raising up a righteous generation! If you can go to bed at night knowing you were there for your kids and are training them up in the way they should go, that is what matters!
I so understand everything you are talking about. I think it's hard for us as homemakers because the job is never done. There is never the relief that you have accomplished some major project or given a speech that is over or clocked out for the day. It never ends, and there is no pay, no reward, no one telling you that you are the best boss, or best employee or whatever.
I think you are right though that we have to look at the BIG picture. Because what we are doing is more meaningful than anything else. So, I guess I'll take pride in being able to put checks in my planner on my things to do list (just to do it all over again the next day), and realize that in the long run, my reward will be the fabulous kids that I am raising and knowing that I was there every step of the way.
I have too much to say on this subject, and I don't even know if I touched on anything that makes sense, but it comes down to the fact that I totally understand what you are saying!
Amen sister! Sometimes it really is hard to see the point in the doldrum...but what can I say? I love my kids, and I can't bear to let anyone else raise them for me, at least for now. I will admit to a hearty dislike of housework. I HATE IT! I love doing all of the other stuff; cooking, baking, sewing, entertaining...but I hate cleaning it all up. I just wish I could hire a maid sometimes. I wouldn't mind someone else raising my house, I guess. Ah, well...someday.
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